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A PANIC GUIDE

Adulting. Am I an adult? what point is an adult an adult? perhaps you're thinking them children in the above imagine appear to belong to an adult?

I mean they do I am their Mother. My issue with the word adult is most likely due to my old expectations of how an adult should look and act. Having ones shit together, not being mentally ill, being content and sailing though the years because I'm now an ADULT. No one mentioned that balance is the biggest load of bullshit. EVER. Like seriously tell me the name of who said "it's about having balance". I looked and strived for balance to the point of breakdown. You know what I've learnt? If my sons are happy I'm most likely not working enough. If works going well my sons are most likely not happy. If my kids are happy and work is going well then I guarantee I'm currently on a I hate my husband week. This whole having your shit together is some accent greek mystical myth... surly? Whats fucked about this is that adults mess up all the time then look to another adult to fix them. Oh hey, you look like a better adult then me, I will just walk with you now. I've walked with many adults. There all crazy babe. Adults are brilliant beautiful creatures. What about the I've not had children so am I an adult? Yes babe sorry to break it to you, still an adult. I rent I don't have a mortgage? Yep still an adult. I'm travelling around the world living like a sassy hippy. Babe ADULT.

THE PANIC GUIDE TO ADULTING

  • Babe lower your expectations. Mine couldn't get much lower.
  • Google has all the answers so you don't need too.
  • If Sally's claiming she has her shit together 24/7 she's lying. Ignore Sally.
  • It's not a midlife crisis it's just a fucking car.
  • Mindset. How you view adult stuff will make or break you.
  • Stop waiting for the right time. It's now.
  • Don't worry if you still don't know what you want to do with your life.
  • Ask for little or no allowance.
  • Try sleeping "adult" hours.
  • Start to consider the idea of doing a weekly shop.
  • Try to accept a compliment like a grown arse adult.
  • Consider returning a compliment.
  • Keep carrots in the fridge.
  • Bread? Babe you can't eat bread now you have an adult body.
  • Try to cooperate with other adults.
  • Avoid prison. Know your rights.
  • Keep items that might draw negative attention to you out of sight.
  • Stop at traffic lights.
  • Learn the differences between a pinch of salt and a dash.
  • Take an indirect path to success.
  • Complain about your neighbours parking.
  • Accept your adult face.
  • Make your own medical appointments.
  • When your kids call you Mummy accept that is you.
(panic)