Essex is my location and Claire Possamai is my name.
Unrealistic. Dreamer. Not living in the real world. These things I've repeatedly been told through out my life. I mean yeah I've had some pretty shit ideas but I've also had some ones that change me. Panic The Mother was the one idea and vision I refused to let go off. It haunted me in the night it took sleep from me. Ideas, visions, came tumbling like an avalanche it buried me for a long time. Low self-esteem, serious self-doubt, held me back. I resided in the back of the queue with all the other babes that had ideas and visions but would likely take them to the grave. Talking of the grave, grief played a massive part in my journey. They say when going through grief you shouldn't make any massive changes in the first year. I did. I turned my life on its head. First stop The Priory. I knew I was mental but hadn't had it confirmed by a professional. Just family, friends and lovers. I was diagnosed with OCD ADHD, Agoraphobia… wait Babe there's more. Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, PTSD. Ok I'm done Babe. Panic and generally living a shit storm for many years lead me to challenging views on Mental Health and Positivity.
I've always had a unique (annoying to some) way at looking at things. I struggle to take things as fact. This goes as far as to who invented shapes? Why is a circle a circle? Who named it? Can I meet them? Why not? Conforming. This word makes a little vomit appear in my mouth. It's not like I'm some rebel. Far from it, but I do look at situations and think why? Or mainly why not? Isn't conforming just another word for fear? I mean fear and fear of judgment is what holds most of us back? Isn't ones life wasted if we are holding back? Living for others will ultimately only make others happy but I promise you it will slowly eat away at you to the point you no longer recognise your own reflection. I couldn't bring myself to look at mine. In my darkest times I couldn't bear to face what I had become. What I had lost and all the dreams and hopes I had for my life were taken by years of undiagnosed mental illness.
Now this mindset was shit. Blame was my favourite thing to do. I haven't done this because of you. if I'd had more help I would have got diagnosed earlier. If Becky hadn't of died. If James was still here. Fuck I don't want to be here. I'm trapped. My mental health is controlling me.
blah blah blah. enough. fuck that.
(panic) gets legal
Babe, I'm not in any way a professional in any area of diagnosing or treating mental health. Panic the mother is about my own journey with my mental health problems, adulting, fashion and mindset. Using my voice I hope to inspire others to talk OPENLY about mental health, and challenge the views around it.